I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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