omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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