i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either way he was missing a nipple.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
