We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
