tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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