The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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