my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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