someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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