Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
