She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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