Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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