She's JV to your varsity
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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