You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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