Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
