UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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