i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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