I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
