If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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