You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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