I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
