I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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