I seem to have left my pride at pride
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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