Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
