i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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