im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
