plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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