I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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