I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate all girls vehemently.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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