I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
