i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
