UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
