I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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