I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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