I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
