the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
