If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
