I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
