can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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