We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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