Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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