How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
