I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
