Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
