Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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