i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
