So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
