i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
