That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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