We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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