She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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