1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
