I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
