i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
