I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
