Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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