I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
