wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
