Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
