You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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