one two three fourrrrnication!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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