Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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